Culture Happens With or Without You - Choose Intentionally

There’s a moment in every leader’s journey when they realize something unsettling: the culture in their organization isn’t exactly what they planned for it to be. Maybe it’s the tension in morning meetings, the unspoken rules that get more airtime than actual policy, or the constant, quiet churn of good people who leave without saying much at all.

And when that moment hits, it hits hard. Because by the time you notice it, culture has already been growing, breathing, and evolving on its own. Whether you create it, shape it, or ignore it, culture is happening. Every. Single. Day.

The Invisible Hand That Shapes Everything

Picture this: it’s a Thursday afternoon, and you’re walking through your restaurant, office, taproom, or hotel. One server rolls their eyes at another. A manager speaks to a line cook with the kind of clipped tone that implies contempt more than direction. The music's off, the floor is sticky, and there’s a guest waiting too long to be greeted. Everything is just...off.

Now pause. Ask yourself: what behaviors are being reinforced here? What unspoken agreements are driving this moment?

Culture isn’t the vision and values poster on the wall, or the mission statement printed on your website. Culture is how people treat each other when no one’s watching. It’s the standards you walk past. The stories your team tells after their shift. The mood that settles in when leadership isn’t in the room.  As Elizabeth Gilbert and others have said, “what you allow will continue.”

And if you haven’t built it intentionally, chances are it’s being shaped by the loudest personalities, the path of least resistance, or legacy habits that no longer serve you.

A True Story: The Iceberg and the Shift Leader

I once worked with a hospitality group who brought me in because they felt something was "off." Sales were strong, their guest surveys looked fine, and employee turnover was just slightly above average. But morale was low. Energy was flat. Creativity had vanished.

When I spent time observing the day-to-day, one shift leader stood out. Let’s call him Derek. Derek wasn’t rude or openly toxic. But his sarcasm acted like acid on team morale. He rolled his eyes at ideas, offered backhanded compliments, and made jokes at others' expense. On paper, Derek followed all the rules. In practice, he undercut the culture they thought they had.

Here’s the thing: no one had ever directly addressed Derek’s behavior. Not because they endorsed it, but because it never technically violated any policies. And yet, his energy set the tone for entire shifts.

That’s culture. Below-the-surface attitudes and behaviors, quietly driving the entire experience while you only see the tip of the iceberg.

The Myth of Culture as a "Soft Skill"

Many leaders think of culture as something abstract. A feeling. A nice-to-have. But culture is infrastructure. It’s the foundation your systems, standards, and performance rest on.

Ignore it, and you’ll build a business that looks good on the outside but is quicksand underneath. You’ll find yourself firefighting, managing drama, and wondering why your best people won’t stay.

Shape it intentionally, and you create the kind of team that is curious, asks questions, is willing to share thoughts, solves problems together, takes pride in their work, and treats each other with respect and accountability.

The Core Truth: You Have a Culture, Whether You Meant To or Not

You don’t need to hold a team retreat to have a culture. You don’t need a brand consultant to have a culture. You just need people in a room.

The moment your team starts working together, they begin building a culture—with or without your guidance.

The question isn’t if culture exists. The question is: who’s writing the script?

If it’s not you, it’s Derek. Or that burned-out supervisor. Or the policies you never enforced. Or the unspoken “rules” everyone follows because no one challenged them.  How are you showing up? Are you intentionally aligning your internal mindset with your external presence.

How to Choose Intentionally

If you want to reclaim your culture or reshape it into something better, it starts with intentionality. Here's how:

1. Define What You Stand For (and What You Won’t Stand For)

Get specific. What values do you want your team to live out? What behaviors do those values look like in action?

"Respect" is vague. "We speak to each other without sarcasm or eye rolls" is actionable.

Don't just list your values. Translate them into daily habits. Then, share stories that bring them to life.

2. Question the Unspoken Rules

What behaviors go unchallenged? Who gets promoted? What kind of attitudes are tolerated?  And, follow all of those questions with one more – WHY?

The answers reveal the real culture—not the one you intended, but the one you've allowed to continue.

Have the courage to call out misalignment. Culture shifts when accountability shows up.

3. Hire for Culture Add, Not Just Culture Fit

Culture fit can become code for hiring people just like you. Instead, look for people who add to your culture by strengthening shared values while bringing diverse perspectives.

Ask interview questions that uncover emotional intelligence, curiosity, collaborative instincts, and the ability to give and receive feedback.

4. Reward the Right Things

What gets rewarded gets repeated. Recognize the quiet leaders. Celebrate small acts of excellence. Make integrity and kindness just as visible as hitting sales goals.

Your team pays close attention to who gets the praise. Make sure it reflects the culture you want.

5. Lead Like It Matters (Because It Does)

Every time you speak, observe, redirect, or stay silent, you’re shaping culture.

Culture doesn’t come from the employee handbook or training manuals. It comes from the decisions you make when no one is watching, and how you respond when everyone is.

Are you modeling the behaviors you ask of your team? Are you willing to hold even your highest performers accountable to your standards?

Culture starts at the top, and it’s built at every level.

Final Thoughts: The Cost of Ignoring It

I get it. You're busy. There are schedules to write, orders to write, inventories to take, fires to put out, numbers to hit. But culture isn’t another task on your to-do list. It’s the context in which all your tasks live.

Fail to build it, and you’ll spend your energy dealing with the symptoms—burnout, disengagement, poor retention.

Build it with care, and you'll unleash a team that’s aligned, energized, and resilient.

Culture happens whether you like it or not. The only question is: do you want to lead it or chase after it?

Choose intentionally.