Do You Know How You're Showing Up? Why Presence Matters More Than You Think

There’s a moment that happens to every leader—whether they admit it or not—when they catch themselves in the mirror, metaphorically or literally, and think: Is this really the version of me that everyone else is experiencing?

For some, it’s after a team meeting where ideas fell flat. For others, it’s the sideways glance from a direct report who’s clearly checked out. And for a few, it’s the realization that despite their hard work, their influence seems to be quietly slipping away.

It’s not a competence issue. It’s a presence issue.

The Invisible Influence of Presence

Presence isn’t just how you dress or the tone of your voice in a presentation. It’s the energy you bring into the room. It’s how people feel after interacting with you—energized, dismissed, inspired, intimidated, heard, or invisible.

Let’s get real: whether you’re leading a morning pre-shift huddle, pitching to investors, or coaching your management team, people are watching how you show up, not just what you say. And the kicker? They’re making judgments within seconds. Not about your business acumen, but about your authenticity, empathy, and trustworthiness.

This isn’t about pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s about intentionally aligning your internal mindset with your external presence.

Scene from the Floor: When Presence Goes Off-Script

I remember watching a GM at one of my client restaurants bark orders while pacing the floor with arms crossed. On paper, he was brilliant—an ops savant with a killer eye for detail. But the kitchen team tensed every time he entered. Servers avoided eye contact. Nobody pushed ideas forward.

I pulled him aside later and asked, “Do you know how you're showing up right now?”

He blinked. “I’m just trying to get through the dinner rush.”

Sure, but his presence was shouting louder than his words ever could: I don’t trust you. I don’t want feedback. I’m barely holding it together.

He wasn’t leading the floor. He was dominating it (but not in a “winning” way).

And that presence—unintentional as it was—was costing him loyalty, engagement, curiosity, innovation, and morale.

The Power of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the starting point for meaningful presence. You cannot change what you’re unaware of. The problem? Most of us are the last to know how we’re actually coming across.

• If you think you’re being “direct,” but your team experiences you as “harsh,” there’s a gap.

• If you think you’re being “calm,” but others feel like you’ve disengaged, there’s a gap.

These gaps in perception versus reality are where presence gets murky—and where leaders lose credibility.

So, how do you close that gap?

Practical Tactics to Tune Your Presence

Here’s the good news: presence isn’t magic – though you certainly can be! It’s not necessarily charisma you’re born with or some intangible X-factor. It’s a skill. One that you can develop, refine, and sharpen like any other.

Start here:

1. Audit Your Energy

   • How do you feel walking into your workspace each day? Your stress, fatigue, or excitement broadcasts to everyone before you say a word. Take 60 seconds at the door to ground yourself. Literally. Three deep breaths. Shoulders down. Eyes up.

2. Request Mirror Moments

   • Ask trusted team members or peers, “How do I typically show up in a meeting? What vibe do I give off when under pressure?” Ask for honesty, not flattery. You’ll be surprised by what they see that you don’t.

3. Watch Your Face

   • The phrase “resting face” is more than a meme—it’s a message. Your neutral expression may be broadcasting boredom, frustration, or judgment. Learn to align your expressions with your intention.

4. Practice Presence Before Performance

   • Before giving a presentation, having a coaching conversation, or walking into a high-stakes moment, take a pause. Remind yourself of your purpose and how you want to be experienced, not just what you want to say.

5. Reclaim the Room with Curiosity

   • When tension rises or things go off the rails, instead of charging forward, get curious. Ask a question. Invite input. Presence doesn’t always mean leading louder—it often means listening harder. Lean into that.

How Presence Shapes Culture

Culture isn’t what you hang on the wall—it’s how you behave when nobody’s scripting your lines (and when you think no one is watching).

And presence? It’s the fastest way culture spreads—or rots.

• If you want a culture of accountability, but your presence avoids conflict, don’t be shocked when feedback vanishes.

• If you want curiosity and “why based” innovation, but your presence shuts down new ideas with a raised eyebrow or a long pause, expect silence.

• If you want your team to be invested in the mission and the brand, care for others the way they want to be cared for, consider the community they are a part of, and truly own their work—you have to show them what that looks like.

And that means your presence needs to model exponential possibility, not pressure.

The Presence Legacy

I worked with a hospitality owner years ago who never raised her voice. Never stormed out. Never made grand speeches. But when she walked into the room, people stood straighter. Conversations deepened. The mood lifted.

Why?

Because she showed up with people, not over them. She was fully there. Phone down. Eyes locked. Shoulders open. She brought presence, not performance. And over time, her team learned to mirror it. That presence became not just a habit, but a way of being for her whole team.

That’s the legacy of presence. Not the applause you get when you walk in the room—but the impact that lingers long after you’ve left it.

Final Thoughts: You’re Already Showing Up—Make It Count

You’re already showing up. Every day. Every shift. Every meeting. The only question is: are you doing it with intention?

Presence isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being consistent. Being aware. Being aligned.

The best leaders don’t just communicate well. They embody their values in every moment. They know that leadership isn’t just a role. It’s a relationship. It’s infinite. And presence is the thread that ties it all together.

So, tomorrow morning, when you catch yourself in the mirror—real or metaphorical—ask yourself: How do I want to be experienced today?

Then go show up and lead like it!